Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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