In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My feet surprised me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
