She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
