High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize