I faked an abortion last night.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize