I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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