Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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