I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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