someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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