My first STD was from a foam party
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
