you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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