I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
