oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
