Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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