capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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