You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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