You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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