If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
