How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
