Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
