I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize