just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
