i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
