Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
