This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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