the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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