Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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