I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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