everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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