He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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