On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
