people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
