he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
