MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
