too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
