how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
