I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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