Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
