You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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