oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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