it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
