It's Friday. Sex?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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