mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is my gift to your gina
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
