I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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