i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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