Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
