We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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