the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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