haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
