Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish you could order shots online.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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