Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
