Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
