Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
