There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
