Do you still have your period?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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