no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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