Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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