doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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