Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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