I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
