I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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