What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
