this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
