Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
