I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
