I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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