tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize