I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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