I'm going to jail i love you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
