Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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