grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
